Gallery

Church Means Business in Jamaica

church in jamaica caribtorch

The statistics show the situation, “Jamaica has the most churches per square mile in the world”. Aw, disbelief and amazement might strike the non-Jamaican reader as they say to themselves, “don’t they have the highest crime rate in the world?”.

Why, yes. But for the most part church in Jamaica is not about spiritual deliverance, it is about who can dress best, mix up(gossip), who can give the most offering and of course the syphoning off of minuscule sums from the deprived of the society. In ghettos and shanty downs in Jamaica, every five steps you make there is another church. While in the plush mansion filled neighbourhoods of “uptown” communities there is only one per area; and its always empty.

So while the poor are religiously throwing tithes and offerings the rich are saving to invest.

There is a classic saying in Jamaica regarding how quickly JA offering booths spring up, “first yuh see tent, den dem lay foundation, next ting is a big church weh poor people deh”

The following song describes brilliantly the nature of the Jamaican church. You don’t have to guess, a lot of people did’nt like it, at all! But the truth is bound to burn.

Church Heathen Lyrics

Ah ha, if you take this too serious
Then you really need some church

Them feel say through them go a church their sins
Don’t need forgiving, forgiving
Them really gone from bad to worse with them
Your careless living, living

Me ah boy no go church from how long
Rather sleep through the morning and put on a slam
But mi woman she ah pressure me fuh go confession
So mi decide fi go and kill the conversation

So mi sit down right beside sister Pam
Who ah tell me everything about the congregation
‘Bout Sister Paulette and her gay husband
And how she ah still ah sleep with the mini bus man

Sister Gwen claim she ah Christian
But ah last night dem catch her in ah stone love session
She a do the dutty dance to de Matterhorn song
And say she get de thing them from the baby cham

Them feel say through them go a church their sins
Don’t need forgiving, forgiving
Them really gone from bad to worse with them
Your careless living, living

She all ah tell mi about the one Deacon
Who ah drive the big Benz ah where him get money from
That’s why nobody nah want give no collection
Now see the church roof ah leak ah wah him really deh pan

Every Sunday is a competition
Mi see nuff ah dem a gwan like dem in ah name brand
That deh setin’ wah she ah wear come out ah some trunk bottom
With deh canfah ball smell dat ah no new fashion

Then she proceed fi talk ’bout dem man dem
Only come ah service fi look church woman
And fi fool up deh gyal talk about religion
But mi could say nothing because mi know mi ah one

Them feel say through them go a church their sins
Don’t need forgiving, forgiving
Them really gone from bad to worse with them
Your careless living, living

Next Sunday nah miss me, hear mi
Soap opera can’t sweet so, hear mi
Just sight some choir sista, hear mi
Haffi secure mi walk through the Pearly gates

Next Sunday nah miss me, hear mi
Soap opera can’t sweet so, hear mi
Just sight some choir sista, hear mi
Haffi secure mi walk through the Pearly gates

Me ah boy no go church from how long
Rather sleep through the morning and put on a slam
But mi woman she ah pressure me fuh go confession
So mi decide fi go and kill the conversation

So mi sit down right beside sister Pam
Who ah tell me everything about the congregation
‘Bout Sister Paulette and her gay husband
And how she ah still ah sleep with the mini bus man

Sister Gwen claim she ah Christian
But ah last night dem catch her in ah stone love session
She a do the dutty dance to de Matterhorn song
And say she get de thing them from the baby cham

Them feel say through them go a church their sins
Don’t need forgiving, forgiving
Them really gone from bad to worse with them
Your careless living, living

Them feel say through them go a church their sins
Don’t need forgiving, forgiving
Them really gone from bad to worse with them
Your careless living, living

Advertisements

4 comments


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s