Ni hao from Santa Claus!

chinese santa claus

What the hell is a North Pole?

To the world,

It has come to my attention recently that many of you have somehow become accustomed to this strange superstition that I reside in desolate cold parading with a rain dear that has a permanent flu. That could not be any further from the truth.

I have been living in China all my undocumented life, my well educated global trade technocrat, Rudolf has been on the cutting edge of global trade relations for centuries, in fact we are an integral part of China’a break neck acceleration to global trade superiority. We have a leading service which has become renowned; so much so that many think we are a myth; a concoction of  whisky and childish imagination. But I would like all to know, Santa Claus is real and whether or not gifts are under that Christmas tree depends on the efficiency of my S.L.E.D(Super Lovely Endowment Deliverer) – basically a cargo ship.

People of the world please don’t be fooled by Hollywood, I live comfortably in the Guangzhou province and I would like it very much if my hard working laborers weren’t referred to as elves as they work long and hard in sweat shops factories to ensure that you can have new shoes, clothes and other random items during this and every holiday season. (I would be very grateful if the work I do in the Summer is also recognized)

Yours sincerely,

Santa Claus


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